Alone With The Universe: Number Four/ An Anomalous fluke.

Hello Friends,

I sure hope you're enjoying these little cartoons of mine. Do! Expect more to come. Let see how long we can keep this going.

You know tonight I watched the remake of Dawn Of The Dead. I really enjoyed it more than I thought I would. I remember when it came out I was against it somewhat because remakes are a waste of time. But, Zack Snyder is proving to be quite the genre film director. I feel like he's got a sensible head about things and a great vision. I can't wait to see what he does with Watchmen. It's really not what people will expect. That's what I think any how.

Go here for more details:
http://watchmenmovie.warnerbros.com/

Anyway...

The only problem I had with the movie was the zombies. Personally I'm more frightened and disturbed by the slow,,,,,,,,kkk,,,,,,,,,,, WHOA!! Sorry I have to fix my keyboard here for a moment. Excuse me.... by the slow, mindless, emotionless drones; countless in numbers and ever pushing forward. No matter how fast you run or how far you go they'll keep coming. I'm getting tired of the ravenous Danny Boyle style zombie. They really don't scare me as much. They are scary, but they are scary in a more realistic way than I prefer it's more of a chase then and then just turns into frantic violence. That kind of bores me. I prefer the ghoul. You could be miles away staring at an ocean of the undead, slowly creeping towards you.
Every second of every day you look at that army grow is a second closer to your inevitable death. Now that scares the piss out of me. Because you know if you have to engage them, then your chances for survival are futile. The same can be said for the running zombies in most contemporary films, but at that point it's more like fighting rabid dogs. The fact that something slower and dumber than you, can still push forward, no matter how many of them you put down. These creatures staring you in the face with each hobbled step, moaning with outstretched arms waiting to embrace your warm flesh. It's such a better tension builder in film and to me is really what zombies are about. That idea really terrifies me. It's a real fear of mine. Maybe I'm just a stickler for the classics.

I also watched Southland Tales tonight. If you're not familiar, it's the latest effort from the creator of Donnie Darko. Now When I first saw Donnie Darko I had no fucking clue as to what was going on. But, at the same time I knew I loved it. The atmosphere the strange awkward characters, the music, the dialogue. I've since watched it over ten times and still to this day love it. And each time I watch it I discover something new or look at it in a different light. To me it's what a great sci-fi film should be. Then they released a Director's cut of the movie and it blew so hard I couldn't stand it. I thought to myself this man has lost his mind. Oh the expository titles and spoon fed plot. It actually made it more convoluted and confusing to watch as opposed to just watching the studio edit which at least opens it up to interpretation or debate. I started to lose faith in this director who I thought was just brilliant. Fast forward to Cannes 2005 (?) 06.... not sure. But Southland Tales, Richard Kelly's new "masterpiece" premiered. After the showing it was booed and ripped to shreds by the critics. Something I hope to never experience. God he must have felt like shit taking a shit. This really got my hopes down. I had heard so much about it all through production up until the premier. I was really excited. For a while I thought maybe they just didn't get his vision or maybe it wasn't complete.

Anyhow, he takes it back in for reedits and it's that last i hear of the film for a little over a year. The film finally gets a trailer and a release date. The trailer for all intents and purposes look pretty cool. Confusing as hell but cool. I was intrigued and knew I was going to watch it anyway so I thought " alright, it's about time". Again the critics reared their ugly heads and leading up to the release bashed the living soul out of this thing. But I still had faith that it was just too complex and high-concept for holly wood. And that may be true or at least can be argued somewhat.

The movie gets released on 64 screens across the country for a few weeks and then disappears without a trace. I found this out after long after the film passed under my radar. Then I see DVD box art. Which I thought was cool. So, again I was excited. I was finally going to witness this beast. This monstrous destroyer of Hollywood convention. A movie to change all movies. Or, at least that's what I wanted it to be, god, even just a little. Which brings me to now.


HOLY fucking lord! This man has lost his mind. And not in an awesome David Lynch kind of way. Or even a hilariously disturbing Richard Simmons kind of way. No this was fucking Anna Nicole Smith! O.J. in the white bronco hauling ass with a gun to his head, desperate bout of lunacy. Richard Kelly WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?

Convoluted. Contrived. Self Absorbed. These words... these human words, don't even begin to describe this, god I don't even know what to call it, "Experience" maybe. If there is a story there it's lost in the first five minutes and tries horribly to shine in again and again. So many fucking cast members, so many flat characters. Seriously everybody who needed a job in LA is in this fucking movie. Everybody! Look, I don't mean to bash this film, the critics have already done that, at length! But, as soon as I could pick my jaw up off the floor, I had to work out how to rationalize not punching myself for such masochistic and self destructive behavior. I had faith in the filmmaker and I deserve every minute of that long mess of a movie.

He's got a new movie in the works called The Box. It's based on a Richard Matheson story. The man who wrote I Am Legend. A work thrice butchered and left for dead. And after his bout with Hollywood and his attempts to find his place in filmmaking Richard Kelly has this to say about his forthcoming effort:

"My hope is to make a film that is incredibly suspenseful and broadly commercial, while still retaining my artistic sensibility."

A man defeated, a man subdued by the powers that be. God I hope I'm wrong. I need more Donnie Darko's.

Maybe he just got too carried away. Or maybe he just needs someone to come along and tell him "NO" every now and again.
I think i'll still keep an eye out for his stuff. But, right now for me it's sad to think that Donnie Darko was accidentally brilliant, an anomalous fluke with no earthly origin. Whatever it was it worked. At least for me it did. But, maybe there's another side where Southland Tales worked. A terrible, horrible darkside where only the most heinous demons of filmmaking dwell. A land where Uwe Boll is the court jester and Michael Bay is king!


I'll leave you with this. A line from Southland Tales:

"I would never think of committing suicide because I am a pimp. And pimp's never commit suicide." -Boxer Santaros

BACK TO HELL I SAY, DEMON!!!