Int. interrogation room - night.
A surly, greasy haired, ill-shaven, neatderthal behind a badge sifts through a leather binder full of notes and plastic dividers.
Across from him sits a balding, lens eyed, slacker wearing a modest beard.
Cop:... The family was found with multiple stab wounds to vital areas of the body, some of them ranging in the hundreds. Both pre-teen, twin girls were molested with objects from the family's entertainment system. The youngest, a five year old boy was hung from the ceiling fan with his own bed sheets, both hands cut off and submerged in the family's fish tank. Both mother and father blugeoned to death with their own severed limbs and placed precisley to resemble thanksgiving dinner at the kitchen table. The family dog, found, gutted and stuffed with old baby clothes from the attic. Its carcass shoved, carelessly, into the ventilation system.
Now, I'm going to ask you straight out. We have all the evidence we need to convict you. Nothing you say here can, in any way prove your innocence. I just want to hear you admit it. Did you murder the Dobson family?
Slacker: Yes!
Cop: So you admit it!? You sick son of a bitch! You are a monster! A goddamned horror show! How can you sit there smiling?
Slacker: Wait? What?.......
Cop: Excuse me?
Slacker: Oh...ha ha ha, No. I thought you asked if I'd seen Home Alone. No, I didn't kill them.
So.........
Evil Knievil died.
I know most people are saddened by this news, but I for one find comfort in his death. And I think a congratulations are in order. Wait....wait.... let me finish.
This man in all his glory, looked death in the face, not once, but hundreds of times and gave that scythe carrying, do gooder, a hearty, good ol' american FUCK YOU.
I think we all should learn from his example. With no more than cape, motorcycle and the red, white and blue by his side.
Thank you Evil. You mean the world to us. Rest in peace.
In other news....
I'm still jobless. Still feel pretty good though.
I applied to the local grocery today. It'd be nice to get a call back, at this point I just need something steady. I don't know about you but i'm too high maintenance to be homeless.
I hope all is well with those of you out there. My friends and well wishers.
I got an advance copy of the new Wu-Tang album. "8 Diagrams". Let me tell you, it just doesn't get any better than this. If this album was a sweet lady, I would take it to a fancy dinner. I would wear unripped jeans, a clean (oh yes) t-shirt, maybe even a nice cardigan. I would pull out the chair for her and make shure her fine ass got in it alright. Then I'd light candles, one for me one for her. In this fantasy, I have a job, and everything on the menu would be some kind of lobster dish. She could have it all. Then later when we are laying down to make love - I would give her a Barry White talk down and foot massage. Then my clothes would slide off and she'd rub hot oil all over my ripped, hard, muscular frame (100% truth) then her clothes would be slowly withdrawn by cheribs that look like baby versions of me. Carmen Consoli would kick in on my 21.1 sound system that i've invented and we would make love for one year straight, therein I would only take breaks to wipe up and maybe get a sandwich.
Oh yes.....Wu-Tang!!!
Also the new Ghostface album is good too.
I was out tonight at Live Band Karaoke. You sing, they play, it's awesome. There's this female guitarist who plays every once in a while and she's so fucking amazing. They know like 200 hundered songs and she knows all those solos. I know like two solos maybe. Actually not really. But man, she's so good. I wish I was her freind. Anywho, I didn't get to sing tonight, but I have a few times. One time I sang "Paradise city" by GNR, and realized, as the song began that I only knew the chorus, none of the verses. Man, and that song is looooong. So I made an ass of myself and the MC yelled at. But the other times i've gone up I did alright. My favorite was getting to sing Tool, I fuckin' ripped that shit up.
I covered Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby" with my little acoustic guitar.
I thought up that little scene up top while trying to fall asleep. I think it's funny. Most may not. If you do though please respond in the comments with you're own scenario. That would be fun right?
Serina read my last post. That makes me feel good. She said it was dramatic. I agree. but shame on you for pointing that out. Joking.
Alright, i'm losing it here.
Watch the Futurama movie - Bender's Big Score. Then, again, in the comments, lets me know what you think.
Night, night.
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1 comment:
I didn't think there were verses to paradise city... isn't it just the same chorus repeated over and over again until somebody slams their head into the wall?
Anywho... good job.
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